neoacidcreep

My head is killing me. It is painfully apparent that I am in fact quite sober.  It has been so long since I have been sober this long, I forgot how bad my headaches could get.  Another joy of neurosis I guess.

Last night in my conversation with Matt, he made a poignant observation on my inter-relations during Liv and I, I ditched my friends for my girlfriend.  Now obviously this is bound to happen but I hadn't actually been aware that I had been ditching them.  Once he pointed it out, there was nothing to do except agree, because I had been forgoing them to be with her.  I wass either in the city or with her.  She would talk just enough to make my friends feel uncomftable, myself too, and she never really acted like she liked them.

Paradoxically; she was friends with them before there was a "Liv and Josh".  Tying herself to me though she some how lost touch with them.  It could have also been in the fact that I was always quick to point out that they are and always will be on my side, whether right or wrong, my boys will get my back in any arguement.  that is why we are friends.

It bothers me to know that I turned my back on my friends, completely unawares either.  I thought I made them feel welcome and included to come hang out with her and I.  In retrospect I see how much shit that is.  They didn't want to be third-wheeled into hanging out with the two of us.  How awkward and degrading.  And me completely unaware.

Blah.

What is more real; the world in my head or the world outside of it? 

I asked myself this question yesterday and I  quickly responded, "That one", nodding to the ground outside.  As soon as I made the statement though I saw the prolonged reverberation echoing down through every other theory I hold to be true about the universe.

If I am the most real being, I used to know how to say it in Latin but cannot easily find my notes on that matter at this current time.  If I am the only one I can prove exst, and must therefore believe everyone else is merely a physical repersentation of my metaphysical mind, also including plants, animals, minerals, etcetra; how then can the world outside of my head be the most real? 

I am the piece of the puzzle that matters most, right?  Rationally speaking though; the world will assumedly gone on after I am dead.  That is a subjective statement though.  Let say that I cease to be, whence I die I am done, poof, no mas.  I f I cannot actually view the world that is continuing on after my death then how can I have any evidence that it has not too ceased?

Lack of evidence doesn't mean something doesn't exist, blah, blah, blah.

We are, we as in humans, are merely sensory receptors, we process information that we derive from our surroundings.  Once our environment has changed we can no longer postualte on the other one.  This still leads me back into the realm of believing that the world inside my mind is more real then the one that resides outside of my mind.

Fuck it.

I am going to comply my notes.

Did I ever talk about how much I hate the fourth of July?  Someone check my back log journal entries.  If I haven't spoken about it I will next entry.