neoacidcreep

Where am I this time?  What has happened, where have I been?  Have I been awake?  Have I been asleep for the past week?  The Past month?  The past year?  The past decade?

I don't know.

Something needs to change.

I need to change. 

I can close my eyes real tight and pretend the real world doesn't exist; I can keep telling myself I am still just a kid and not yet a man, but every day ticks by driving me closer to this inevitable conclusion that I have to grow-up.

My plans to leave Syracuse are in serious peril; I don't know where to go but have to go.  I can't stay here any longer.  It only gets worse, every day it gets a little worse; tack on the fact that I am drinking pretty much daily just to try to quell my mind.

But then, inevitably, there is a girl.  All the standard bullshit that comes along when you meet a girl, "I feel like a better person, I like thinking about her, I like making her happy, blah blah blah".  The sad story repeats itself again, I don't know if she likes me she doesn't know if I like, things are being misread, things get weird, then they get good, blah blah blah. 

If I were anymore trite I would start vomiting uncontrollably, everywhere.

But I am what I have been for, what, a decade?  Two maybe?  Have I ever really changed.

I am bored, bored with myself.  I just don't know how to entertain myself anymore.  I just want to be alone...well alone with this girl.

What to do what to do what to do?

I can't crash with my sister in Florida and now I don't know what to do.  I don't want to move down there, I was guilt tripped in to it.  But I don't want to stay here.  It does make more sense to stay, but just commit to New York (Get my license back in order, pay my taxes, set up a payment plan with college), all shit I would have to do in any other state but at least here I have a small group of friends. 

I am so stressed about this.  I don't think anyone has caught on.  Haven't noticed me vomiting from the stress.

And then again, there's this girl...

Would I stick around to pursue things with her?  Probably, but what if it doesn't work out, more blah blah blah.